Love (creation) part 2.

So now, what’s next? I’m looking forward to meeting my Love. And I’m expecting him for the month of December 🙂 I’ll share something with you now. 

From NLP: “In order to have, you have to do.

Before you do, you have to be.

In order to be, you have to act as if you are.”

And you can use it for anything! I will try it now for my love life. I intend to meet somebody in December (preferably before Christmas :), otherwise I’ll spend it alone again, I mean seriously without anybody around me. My family is in my home country…).

So, how does it look like. Going from the end, act as if… How do I act as if I had a boyfriend (I mean a matching one)? For example, I focus on my eating, not feeding myself in the evenings when I shouldn’t, taking care of my look, and whenever I can I think and feel that I have a boyfriend already. Well, I’m sure, you too can certainly remember a time when you were in a good relationship, can’t you? How did you think throughout the day when you were in love? Dressing up well to be pretty/good looking for the partner, eating a bit more healthily and sporting to be good looking, saving some money to be able to afford presents to your partner, we all have these kind of thoughts don’t we? So, I have started to think this way, as if I already was in a relationship. With these affirmations, I will certainly start feeling it inside as well. I mean, after thinking it, you have to truly believe and feel this way. (now you may say, it’s just convincing yourself about something that doesn’t exist. I say: doesn’t matter! It will happen if you don’t just convince but you believe! Do you know who is Thomas Edison? Light bulb invention? How did he do it? He was creating something over a time that didn’t exist yet, but he knew and felt what he was going to create it.) So.

We are thinking and feeling human beings. So, if I’m thinking and feeling that I’m in a perfect relationship, I am that kind of human being!

Going forward, “you have to do”. I will go out there, where people are. If you stay where you are, you will get what you can find there. So out of the house! Go for a walk, to the gym, to a course, to a club, to a houseparty, anywhere! But mainly visit those places where the most likely you will find your perfect match. It’s useful to have a list of all the inner and outside qualities that you would like your partner to have. Write a list about everything that is important for you of your perfect match (be honest and realistic as well), what type of job they should be involved in (do you like the entrepreneur type of person, or somebody with a certain 8 hour job..), what sort of mindset should they have, attitude to sports, to kids, to eating, to money, to travelling, anything that would be important for you. Whenever you can, write in a positive way, not like “isn’t smoking” or “doesn’t like playing football”, instead write “non-smoker” and “loves individual sports”. Also, as you know already from the 6 steps of Goal setting, write in a continuous present tense. He is… She is… One more thing, ask and answer the question to yourself: “What sort of person I should become to attract my perfect match?” (this is an important part! If you are not that person who your future partner would be attracted to or be interested in, then the first thing is the inner change! First thing is to be ready for the partner you are expecting.)

After you have done this, you will have a precise picture of what you really want. 

If you think about it, with all these criteria you save time and energy for yourself! Spending months or years with people who you don’t want to be around.. It is not something you want, is it? So, trust destiny and yourself. Maybe you will be singe for a while, or have a few dates, but at least you won’t be involved deeply in future-less relationships. So if you leave that time for yourself, your personal growth and improvement, you’ll end up with a more content and balanced life without having somebody who do not contribute to these. My humble opinion is that it is still better to be single and building up your own life, than to stuck ourselves into an unfulfilling relationship.

Everything that I’m teaching you right now is being tested by me 🙂 But, no place for doubt!

The thing is that since I started this “love creation” thing, things have accelerated a bit. Wherever I am, there are boys who find me and become interested in me. Due to my list, even if I appreciate their initiative, I gently have to say no. You can attract a lot of people, but it does not mean you want to date all of them. Even some of the seemingly matching ones would get afraid of a person’s confidence, and “put the rabbit shoes on” (Hungarian saying :)). It does not matter either. At the end, there will be one who wants to stay. That is going to be the one! Don’t worry about the others, they are not ready yet…

I took me a few weeks to sit down and write these lines. But the time has arrived. It is a long post, written through 3 nights. And I am sharing it because this is what I am here for. I know many of you have exactly the same stuff going on. So I’m here with this not only to talk about it, but as always, to provide possible solutions. Also, this is life. This is happening. And if nobody wants to talk honestly, clearly and openly about these things, than I will. Life is still a game and fun, but it will end one day and becomes only history, so I want to give meaning to everything that I do, as well as I take responsibility for everything I do and ever accomplish. 


LOVE (creation) part 1.

Love is all you need. If you get love and give it too, you are almost a contended person. Love is the thing that doesn’t cost anything. Yet many of us suffer from the inability to express this feeling to others. We create conditions to give love. We have our heart broken a lot of times, and we swear we’ll never open our hearts again to anybody… then we learn to love again. 

Love can even help to heal sickness. 

It is a very common situation when two people are together only because they are used to each other. What a bit worse is when they think they love each other but they don’t. And if we looked at the deepest of their hearts, love would be the last word that you could use to describe it. Because you would find this: hate, unspoken words and opinions, desire for the partner to change, not with nor without, all the EGO driven game plays, emotional control, jealousy, fear of commitment, fear of loneliness, and much much more, destructive content. And imagine these stacked upon each other… Emotional roller-coaster. I’ve been there, experienced it… 

Most of our actions come from the patterns we saw in the family. As we were raised, by example, we got unconsciously programmed for a lot of behaviours we do. There are a few people who can consciously recognise the unwanted behaviour and able to change on it. But most people are not willing to face themselves. Why? Because who likes to say “I have to change” in any ways?

When I started realising what the program I was running was, I still wasn’t able to change it. For example, I had difficulty with saying sorry, or saying I love you. I still have a lot to improve on the latter one, but I’ve done the first part. I have learnt to say sorry. But it didn’t happen in a week, or in a month. It used to disturb me a lot, and I wanted to change it, so admitted to myself that this is something that’s not right, and I have to learn the opposite. It took continuous practice before it was becoming more and more easier, so only by now I can say I learnt to say it from my heart. 

There is another nice one, let’s call it “stuck situation”, just another emotional roller-coaster. Just been there recently… I can tell you, it is not easy, but there is way to get out of it. It took me a while…

Change, in other words transformation, happens in a millisecond when it happens, but the process always takes time. So what happened is that I couldn’t let somebody go who I had a very strong emotional connection to, and he didn’t want to let me go either, even so he has travelled away, not planning to come back where I was. And I wasn’t planning to go after him either. We always used to encourage each other to go for our dreams, never asked the other to give up anything to be together. Probably it also meant that is wasn’t the Big Love, otherwise you wouldn’t leave the other person in the other side of the world, would you? It is another “meant to be” relationship. We learnt a lot from it, received a lot from it. And we’ll remain friends 🙂 

So, after spending a year alone, I decided to let him go. I had told him  and asked the same from him. But! Here is something important. The “letting go” cannot really happen unless you clear up your feelings and reasons within. I had to face my reasons of why I was still holding onto him. So even if consciously I knew it wasn’t right to hold onto something that doesn’t exist any more, I could turn angry, or jealous, or disappointed and devastated at any time… yay… So I had to have a discussion with myself first, admitting what was true and what wasn’t, and then told everything to him too, that I am willing to change on my life, and I intend to find a person in my life. Before that, I was fearful of losing him forever if I say such things. But this is the thing that most people are fearful of! What if I never find another perfect one again? It took me time, a few emotional plunges, heaps of inner talk and depressive days… when I finally decided to let my realistic thinking to win, and listen to my heart that said “it was for a reason, but it’s not forever”, I could let him go, taking the risk (!!!) that with this step I’m loosing the chance (!!) to ever be with him again. I had to accept this fact truly in my heart. But when people are special to each other, friendship lasts forever 🙂 And at the end of the day, this is what counts the most.

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