LOVE (creation) part 1.

Love is all you need. If you get love and give it too, you are almost a contended person. Love is the thing that doesn’t cost anything. Yet many of us suffer from the inability to express this feeling to others. We create conditions to give love. We have our heart broken a lot of times, and we swear we’ll never open our hearts again to anybody… then we learn to love again. 

Love can even help to heal sickness. 

It is a very common situation when two people are together only because they are used to each other. What a bit worse is when they think they love each other but they don’t. And if we looked at the deepest of their hearts, love would be the last word that you could use to describe it. Because you would find this: hate, unspoken words and opinions, desire for the partner to change, not with nor without, all the EGO driven game plays, emotional control, jealousy, fear of commitment, fear of loneliness, and much much more, destructive content. And imagine these stacked upon each other… Emotional roller-coaster. I’ve been there, experienced it… 

Most of our actions come from the patterns we saw in the family. As we were raised, by example, we got unconsciously programmed for a lot of behaviours we do. There are a few people who can consciously recognise the unwanted behaviour and able to change on it. But most people are not willing to face themselves. Why? Because who likes to say “I have to change” in any ways?

When I started realising what the program I was running was, I still wasn’t able to change it. For example, I had difficulty with saying sorry, or saying I love you. I still have a lot to improve on the latter one, but I’ve done the first part. I have learnt to say sorry. But it didn’t happen in a week, or in a month. It used to disturb me a lot, and I wanted to change it, so admitted to myself that this is something that’s not right, and I have to learn the opposite. It took continuous practice before it was becoming more and more easier, so only by now I can say I learnt to say it from my heart. 

There is another nice one, let’s call it “stuck situation”, just another emotional roller-coaster. Just been there recently… I can tell you, it is not easy, but there is way to get out of it. It took me a while…

Change, in other words transformation, happens in a millisecond when it happens, but the process always takes time. So what happened is that I couldn’t let somebody go who I had a very strong emotional connection to, and he didn’t want to let me go either, even so he has travelled away, not planning to come back where I was. And I wasn’t planning to go after him either. We always used to encourage each other to go for our dreams, never asked the other to give up anything to be together. Probably it also meant that is wasn’t the Big Love, otherwise you wouldn’t leave the other person in the other side of the world, would you? It is another “meant to be” relationship. We learnt a lot from it, received a lot from it. And we’ll remain friends 🙂 

So, after spending a year alone, I decided to let him go. I had told him  and asked the same from him. But! Here is something important. The “letting go” cannot really happen unless you clear up your feelings and reasons within. I had to face my reasons of why I was still holding onto him. So even if consciously I knew it wasn’t right to hold onto something that doesn’t exist any more, I could turn angry, or jealous, or disappointed and devastated at any time… yay… So I had to have a discussion with myself first, admitting what was true and what wasn’t, and then told everything to him too, that I am willing to change on my life, and I intend to find a person in my life. Before that, I was fearful of losing him forever if I say such things. But this is the thing that most people are fearful of! What if I never find another perfect one again? It took me time, a few emotional plunges, heaps of inner talk and depressive days… when I finally decided to let my realistic thinking to win, and listen to my heart that said “it was for a reason, but it’s not forever”, I could let him go, taking the risk (!!!) that with this step I’m loosing the chance (!!) to ever be with him again. I had to accept this fact truly in my heart. But when people are special to each other, friendship lasts forever 🙂 And at the end of the day, this is what counts the most.


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